Exactly just What had been the probabilities things could find yourself violently with me, of course, getting the shitty end between us? Might Trayvon force himself that I was unwilling to simply accept but not able to stop? On me personally in ways! They certainly were perhaps not questions that are idle. We thought long and difficult about that, however in the final end i decided that no, he’dn’t accomplish that. According to just just just what, you may well ask? Good question — I don’t understand.
Another consideration ended up being, that which was Trayvon leaving this relationship? Demonstrably, he’d have a intercourse partner as well as minimum some use of my canteen account. We knew he previously simply no money, in which he knew that I experienced at the very least some funds. Maybe he had been actually drawn to me personally and he had been a mooch — an opportunity was represented by me to meet both requirements! Ended up being there such a thing undoubtedly incorrect with that? Only at that very early phase we told myself that for as long I was okay to let him have a soup or a honey bun when he wanted something as he didn’t get too greedy. Why shouldn’t I reward him for their relationship? In the end, we endured to have one thing using this too — unlike my situation at Swift Annex I’d have jail bad-ass back at my part in the event i obtained threatened or harassed.
Did Trayvon have HIV or other STD? Needless to say he said no and said he previously to have tested occasionally and blah blah blah. I did son’t press the presssing issue or insist upon seeing the test outcomes. Alternatively I inquired myself — keep in mind, this person had been assigned to kitchen duty — Would my state’s DOC designate some guy with HIV to this type of work? I experienced to think the clear answer had been no, no way. Other inmates later laughed inside my self- confidence in DOC! Additionally, he wasn’t using any meds — either K.O.P. (“keep on person”) or dose that is single. Consequently we judged him become healthier.
Ended up being I the only real guy he had been striking on or are there other people — either there in my own dorm or perhaps in your kitchen where he worked sixdays per week? Did we value that? A jail dorm is all about the smallest amount of personal destination you can reside in, and so I could see the majority of Trayvon’s interactions with other people. He previously other friends, black colored & white. Achieved it appear to be he had been striking on some of those dudes? Response — no. As to whether we cared, we must’ve cared or I would personallyn’t have already been having to pay a great deal attention. But I told myself we cared perhaps maybe not away from jealousy but because I became nevertheless racking your brains on their genuine motives and concerned about getting an STD.
I inquired myself: If i really do this does that produce me unfaithful to my ex-wife with who I hoped to get together again once I got away? Just exactly What would which means that? We had been divorced!
Could carrying this out somehow turn me personally homosexual after a very long time to be right — at minimum because it pertains to grownups? I didn’t understand yet because I’dn’t had this experience yet. But we thought — no. I happened to be making an exception that is special this “friend with benefits, ” an exception that could end whenever we finished. I was thinking, “Trayvon is just an unique situation. What other young black colored dudes might be thinking about an adult white man? ” Thus far, i did son’t feel any gayer. I became simply messing around and having some disgusting fun. It had been a jail thing.
Before looking at the possibility advantages Trayvon needed to provide as a “friend with benefits” i want to say one final instead serious issue that I didn’t think of in front of time — although in hindsight i must say i need! That has been, assume we had been learned? Assume rumors about us started to fly all over dorm simply because I happened to be investing lots of time hanging out Trayvon’s bunk and we’re smiling at each and every other a whole lot? Exactly exactly What would we do, if such a thing, to squelch such rumors?